Daddy blog needs a conclusion
I looked after my daughter, E., from when she was 1 till she was 2. I did a daddy blog
So, it's 13 years later. E. is 15. "In July I'm going to be 16! I can't wait!". She's said the appropriate variation on this for the last few years; she really likes the idea of getting older.
I was very afraid of DS, of retardation, of what it would mean. This isn't the case any more. I am afraid of what the future holds for her; what supports will be available, what abuses and neglect she'll have to endure, what will happen after we're dead. J. has good longevity genes, so that shouldn't be for some decades yet. Thinking about dying and missing out on sharing her life instantly brings me to tears.
I love her more than anything. She delights in telling people I'm her number 1 favourite, and that her brother is number 2, and mum number 3. She calls me her butler, and I defer to her as "my queen", at least when I feel like playing along, which is more often than not. She loves it when I make her her lunch, or bring her her drink bottle before bed and tuck her in, although she's completely capable of doing these things for herself. I think I like to treat her like a queen because the world probably won't.
We chose mainstream schooling for her. This has been double-edged; I think her reading and writing is much better than it would have got at a special school, but she really has no school friends. Her friend from primary school went to a different secondary school and they don't see each other much, and she hasn't made any real friends at secondary school. Everyone is nice to her; on the occasions when I'm doing pickup or drop off, other kids say "Hi E.", and during lockdown they spoke up for her when a substitute teacher couldn't understand her language.
Her language is difficult to understand, especially when she speaks quickly, and she can get frustrated and say "Never mind". We can usually understand, but it's harder for people who don't know her.
She is very independent, and well organised. She always knows what classes she has, packs her bag appropriately, and never forgets her lunch, unlike her younger brother. Her teachers use her as an example of good behaviour and effort. She is kind, and assertive -- she calls us out when she thinks we're not "being kind". She's usually right.
She's getting to the time of school where the academic subjects are beyond her. She's always been hopeless at math, but she can do very basic arithmetic. It's like she doesn't trust that sums will be the same as last time-- simple additions need to be done anew each time they come up. She's taking more practical subjects -- Food Tech, and Woodwork, and Art and Drama. We'd promised her a bedside table a few years ago but never delivered, so she made herself one in woodwork. It's great.
She learns, but it takes a lot more time. Sometimes she just needs a method to follow. I fear that even the practical subjects have a large, mostly unnecessary but easily assessable "theory component", which will get in the way of her learning.
Her favourite things at the moment are lounging on her bed watching YouTube, and complaining bitterly if any demands are made on her. "You're wrecking my free time!". She reminds me of my sister at her age (though that was well before YouTube).
She loves singing and dancing -- she's been doing dance classes at a wonderfully inclusive dance school for years. While watching youtube, she's ususally journalling or writing stories and colouring. Multitasking. I don't really know what's in her writing because "that's private, dad".
She puts her laundry away before she's been asked. Her room alternates between being well organised (if you don't look under the bed) and a disaster area. "Oh no, I forgot to clean my room again (hahaha)".
We play games. She loves winning. She and I play best 2/3 of an iPad game called Disc Driving almost nightly. I used to let her win sometimes, but now she wins regularly without my help. If I've won 2 and she wins the last game she's assumed the right to "reset my score", so that she can be the winner of the night. This doesn't diminish her delight in the win one iota.
But she loves boardgames too and will suggest Ice Skool, Outfoxed, Sleeping Queens, Dweebies, Big Fish. She loves games on the Switch where she can attack her family. Slapparazzi in Super Mario Party is a favourite.
She cares about people. She remembers birthdays, she knows when people have been sick.
She really likes to be included, to have a role, a place.
She'd probably love a pet, but neither my partner nor I really want one.
It turns out that cleverness doesn't matter that much. I love being around her and we have fun together.
A few things about her are really odd and fascinating. Her imaginative play is full on-- she throws herself into her role, which is usually about betrayal or death--always tragic. For a while we were concerned-- she'd be on the floor, panting and in tears and we'd be all "are you ok darling?" and she'd be "I'm fine, leave me alone" because she doesn't like being interrupted.
She has amazing hearing. If we want to talk about her we have to whisper or wait till she's asleep. Otherwise we'll hear a "Dad! Mum! No talking about me" from the other room.
She sometimes communicates with herself verbally. I wonder about the connections in her corpus callosum. She talks to herself, but is often surprised at what she says-- it's like she can only think aloud. When she was younger, she'd sometimes be surprised when we overheard her schemes to steal bread and interrupted her -- how did they know?
She loved beanie boos for a few years. She'd arrange them in rows as a class, and give them work to do, and mark it. Lots of little bits of paper. Or they'd go on excursions all neatly arranged in a box. This is sort of finished now, though she likes getting an new one now and again for her collection. At last count she had more than 80. She probably would have been as happy with about 30, but when it's this easy to make her happy...
She still loves her teddy Lucy. More in the last few years than when she was younger probably. Lucy often somes with us to the shops, and E. will carry her, much like kids do in picture books. In some ways she seems quite grown up "I'm not a child, I'm an adult, Dad", in others, not so much. She likes her American Girl dolls as well, they participate in her epic tragedies. I often hear E.'s side of the drama, but I'm convinced E. hears their side loud and clear. It's a bit spooky-- they're talking, but I can't hear them. Fully realised alter egos are pretty much demons/spirits.
She's not really into other toys; she mostly likes journals and colouring books and stationery. Her iPad is essential though. She watches the talent show I can't remember, with those foul judges, and gets right into people's stories about triumph over adversity to realise their dreams of singing. And youtube is her source for music to sing along to. She loves pop, and thinks my foray into abstract electronic music is ridiculous. "Silly dad".
She's a good dancer. She's got moves.
She's very clear on what's her style and what isn't. She can go into a shop and be no, no, no, this one, and she's right. It's amazing to J and me-- she didn't get it from us!
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